I have left my 5 week old son at my mum's for the night.... It's a strange feeling. I miss him. BUT it is all good. And I know this post could turn into me sounding like I am trying to persuade myself that it is a good thing but seriously, it is. And I know it is.
There are 2 reasons this is a good thing...
1. I need to sleep. I am tired. (Sorry Lizzie, I know you haven't had a night off for a lot longer... as is the case for many mums I know!)
2. I want my mum to have a relationship with my Sam like I had with my mum's mum, my nanan, the first of my heroes.
My close friends know this story as it is one I tell over and over...
When I was born, my mum was really ill. And I mean really ill - I was born on the 17th November and she was finally discharged from hospital on Christmas Eve after numerous ops, blood transfusions etc. During this time paternity leave didn't exist so my nanan stepped in. She just came from Barnsley, didn't think about herself, just me and mum and cared for me. She also saved my mum's life the first time she hemorrhaged - without my nanan I probably wouldn't have my mum. I could tell story after story about my nanan, we were so close and spent real quality time together until she died this year and my big prayer was answered which was I got to tell her I was pregnant before she died. And, most important to me, even with her Alzheimer's, she understood I was pregnant. She inspired me in so many ways - her marriage to my grandad - 59 years of devotion, sacrifice, faith and pure love. She was so selfless, willing to do anything to help anyone and no thought of the cost to herself. As a couple my grandparents were loved by their community - when my nanan used to wander off when her Alzheimer's was at it's worst, people on their estate were so kind - the local 'hoodies' brought her home once and another lady gave her a coat when she walked out in the rain. Her faith inspires mine - it was simple and pure. She just knew that God made a difference in every area of her life... When she prayed, things happened. When she read the Bible, it proved itself true - the things it promises never let her down.
Her death was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and will stay with me forever. God was in it and it was how she would've wanted it to be. The Bible talks about Jesus 'giving up his spirit' in death and I witnessed my nanan do the same. As she came to die, my grandad asked my uncle to pray. He did and then she looked at all her family gathered round her and then she peacefully died. One of the hymns at her funeral summed up her faith and its word have helped me grieve and cope with what was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with - that hymn is Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine. I may put it on here in all its glory one day, it is so cool.
One of my prayers for my son is that he has amazing relationships with not just my mum but all his grandparents. I did and they have blessed me so much - my grandpa gave me a love of theatre, planes and shooting (for fun, not animals!!), my grandad gave me a love of the Bible, made me laugh and laugh, gives me the best example of hard work, endurance and faith and gave me hours of his time and expertise at the allotment when I was little (fond, fond memories! My gran taught me to cook and put up with endless listens to my Jason Donovan tape when I was a kid!
To encourage these relationships I will need to sacrifice some of my own time with Sam, even when it's hard and I just want to sit and look at him all night! It's not really a sacrifice, it's just another way I can bless my son and be the best mum I can be.
Chapter 3 - Symbols of God's Presence
2 days ago